At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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