This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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