so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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