Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
