Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
