you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
