eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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