Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm having to shit out rocks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
