Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
