but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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