Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize