My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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