i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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