Can i not drive my cunt home
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
