So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
