You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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