By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
