Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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