She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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