Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
