ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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