I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
