I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
