it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
