On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize