The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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