I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
