He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
