You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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