yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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