Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
