you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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