I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
they need to just BURY HIM!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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