Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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