I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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