sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
