You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
