So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize