I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
