dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
