With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize