You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
