Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
whose ass print is on the piano?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
