I cockslap morals
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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