She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
