Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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