how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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