I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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