Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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