OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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