Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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