I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
