You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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