I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
