between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
