if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
