remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
