the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
