I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
