Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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