dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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