You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
