So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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