I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
