He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
