Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
