my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize