Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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