listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
