Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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