does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she looked like the before picture.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
