she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize