I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
